january 08 2022
after a lot of struggle i finally finished the first few pages of this website. I just wanted to get it over with before school started and my schedule got messed up again, especially since I have another period to wake up early for. I want to get past CE-6 on the new AK event, but I couldn't kill the saxophonists before the casters got to Indigo so I guess i either have to level her or use another caster like Haze, but then I would have to level them too so they could compare to her ATK. I think Greyy might even be weaker than her, and deals less damage anyways but I wonder if I could use his AoE damage for the casters, nevermind, they have Arts resistance. Maybe put a healer down or arrange an archer to take them out, but then I would run out of DP again. I should find a way to put Texas in, cause I'm pretty sure I used Plume last time. But then I have to worry about whether I should take her out at some point when the enemies get stronger.
january 09
Waking up early is actually alright, with the heater in my room. I don't know about everything else yet, though. I want to make the layout of the site more mobile-friendly, just have to figure out how on the weekend.
january 11
I felt kind of nauseous this whole day, but I guess it was not that bad minus the homework. I've made peace with the fact that I probably will not get all As if I do what I want with my time. As long as I don't procrastinate, I won't have done anything wrong.
I miss being younger, I feel like my whole family was a lot more put together then. Now we don't really talk or hang out together that often, especially my brother. I actually feel very frustrated today. I feel like I got shoehorned into doing something just because my friend wanted it, even though I would have liked the other outcome better. Reminder not to do this again, I feel stupid and annoyed.
jan 12
I felt too nauseous today, I think I might actually be sick. But I was told I should focus on my health over anything else, so I decided to stay home and catch up on work that would have gotten done late otherwise. Not much to talk about, but I want to come back tomorrow if possible, and also accept the fact that if I spend my time the way I want to, my grades will probably not be the best.
friday the 13th
this week was actually pretty good! Except for some embarrassing moments but I guess that just happens sometimes. I wanted to keep reading "The Committed" and "Tớ Muốn Ăn Tụy của Cậu" but I barely got enough time to do so. Today I also felt sick, I haven't been eating enough for four days now. I think I can start feeling better over the weekend.
The weather is also gonna be better then!! And I have Feb 8 to look forward to because I am getting my braces off. I don't really know if I have time to play Arknights or anything since school has started up again, but I can definitely use my free time for something more worthwhile. I keep hearing the phrase "create, don't consume" in the context of hobbies. I guess this website is something I have created, and I also wanted to mess around with the Arduino I got recently. I saw a post detailing how to make a guitar pedal with one and that seems pretty close to my interests so I think I'll give it a try once I make sure I have all the necessary supplies.
I wanna volunteer at the library again but I do not know if I can commit to the time. 6 shifts is all that's required though so I think I might actually go for it. For some reason the website I usually sign up for volunteering at did not let me cancel so I guess I'm in it for good.
january 17th (monday)
I have very mixed feelings about today. I was able to see a certain upperclassman in a tennis cap who I thought I wasn't going to meet again after what happened last week. But it turns out I got very lucky! We'll be in the same class until the end of the year. We talked as usual today and it was just like last month.
My head also hurt today. The ache anchored at the base of my skull and radiated out oto the sides and top. But now that I'm home it's not that bad... I'm just worried about school since the weather is supposed to be cold for all of this week. I can't miss some stuff though, so I guess I'll have to go no matter what. On Wednesday and Thursday we have assemblies, so I can miss those... but there also might be club photos for some that I'm in...
Comparing art and music, since both are or used to be my hobby, I think I can see a lot of differences in how I approach the latter that might be frustrating. In general I never really practiced my instrument for self-gratification or realized that was actually something I could do until recently. But with art it was for myself from the beginning so I didn't have to worry about that. I think the issue is not with actual differences between the two but with my mindset and the patterns I learned and can't unlearn. But how can I actually change this?
Yes, the page scrolls correctly. !! I still feel ill, but I will definitely go to school tomorrow even if I have to drag myself a little bit. Even if I'm a little weak, I should go like everyone else. And there's tests I can't miss, etc.
january 22, 2023
Wow, I think I'm getting used to typing parentheses without looking every time i start a new entry here. i was thinking about how to use my time to do what I want in the future, because sometimes I feel like my goals and my actions completely contradict each other. For one, I waste a lot of time while complaining about not having enough, just like that one Seneca quote. Most importantly, my relationship with school is getting a little insane lately because of the additional period. Of course I already knew I don't have interest many of my subjects, european history and chemistry in particular, but it feels a lot more frustrating when there are things that I actually want to do. I wish I could have a free period in school. Next year I will definitely take it easy and only go hard on the math and english courses since I do well on those anyways. And also get into non-honors science and another course that's basically a free period, so that I can have more time to myself. I want the rest of my life to be like this, also. When you have too many interests, you can either accept being split between all of them or narrow them down to a few. I guess I Like to actually be knowledgeable about things, I have to narrow some stuff down. 4 or so interests would be good, with one in particular being bottom priority for my health, the other being a way to make money, the third being something that makes me feel like an actual person, and the fourth being something interesting to pass the time. After reevaluating my life that sounds like a good balance.
janny 25
february 5
I have to go out next week and finish stuff today. I want to stop procrastinating. I want to stop procrastinating. I want to stop
february 21, 2023
It's almost time for me to go volunteer at the library this week. I just need a few more weeks of service hours. Considering the fact that this is a pretty miserable way to get them in half the time, I think I will consider quitting and finishing them up with the other volunteer stuff on weekends. Because I don't work well with kids. But maybe that can be changed. Anyways, I should need around 23-21 hours after this, and I can get two at a time. That means it would take me 4 weeks, starting from the beginning of March, which would finish me up sometime around May? Early beginning of May? That isn't horrible since it means I'll be free for the next two years. Yeah, having a regular opportunity to get my hours in is actually pretty convenient because I don't have to rush for spots unlike the other volunteering opportunities. Anyways. I changed the font and made sure it could type in Vietnamese and pretty much nothing else. I wanted to make it more mobile friendly though but that will probably take a bit longer than 15 minutes to figure out. Well,
june eleven, two thousand twenty three
- school year ended
- dating someone?????
- also made friends with unlikely guy
I volunteered and really wanna get a job thís summer. I also have some big plans for this blog (mobile friendly redesign, AUGHH, font that isnt times new roman). Also, I am very lonely. I realized that while I know people that I wouldn't mind spending time around, there's not many people that I would WANT to spend time around. And vice versa. I don't think I'm really that close with the people I knơw. I think I should make better friends this year. Or something. I actually almost went into a depressive spiral when I realized this, but I think there's hope for me yet cause I'm pretty young. I don't wanna give up on life when I'm only six.. teen...
(deleted)
june 12 2023
I did not do a lot of stuff today. I applied for 4 jobs!! I hope i get to the interview stage, although I know that public speaking is not a skill I have. But if I make enough shots one of them is bound to land, or something like that. Also, i did 3 x 11 today
june 13 2023
I gotta apply for more jobs today. I have nothing more to say. Life is fun.
june 14 2023
I did 11 today. Just 11. Hmm, I also applied for more jobs, and then got distracted playing Minecraft with a friend. Aside from that not much productive was achieved today, or any day this summer. I need to snap out of it!!!
june 17 2023
Ìt feels surprisingly good to talk with a friend about something that's considered really private. But that actually happened the day before yesterday, not today. More news on my job search: I give up. I think I'll just wait for a response from the places I already applied to, but otherwise, I should focus on getting my license or just doing other, more useful stuff. I also have plans!
I think I wanna make another page for entries (basically "second" if this is considered "first", but i actually planned on organizing it by date from now on). It would have a slightly different theme, I think. Since I don't play Arknights that much anymore or any video games except for nostalgia. Wait, that's actually kind of beautiful. The layout of the page, not just the entries, reflect my interests and aesthetic preferences at the time... Whoa... It's like scrap journaling but online. ALSO. I started drawing again recently. I was like talking with a friend and I finally woke up and was like "if i don't get into drawing again God knows I'll regret it for the rest of my life". In addition to that, another friend gifted me a watercolor sketchbook for my birthday. THAT'S A SIGN THAT I SHOULD GET BACK INTO IT FOR SURE. Despite my lack of skill I actually feel very strongly about it. But that's what practice is for!!! I hope to get more technical skill. Cause my ideas are kind of ambitious. Also maybe if I get a tablet I could publish some of my stuff here :D. Sounds nice.
june 22 2023
I really am not that great of a person. But on the bright side i got ice cream yesterday!!! (Also 3 x 11, 8, 8 with 10 lb and i was going through it at the end). I started drawing more which is good. I really feel like I'm kind of a difficult person or that I can't be the way other people need me to be lately (lately as in this whole year). I think I will just not worry about this until school starts up again.
june 25 2023
yesterday 3 x 11, 8, 8
i saw the new spiderman movie with my friend today it was really nice and awesome the colors were so beautiful
june 28 2023
I did 1 x 11 today. AHHHH I feel like I just need to focus more on myself and take less of an interest in other people's lives. But it's so hard :'(
july 17 2023
I wasted a lot of time today, but some of it wasn't wasted. For example, I fed pigeons in my backyard. They're kind of scary when they start flying and making noise out of nowhere. But also, I can probably get them to approach me if I desensitize them to my presence over the next few days, so that gives me a reason to be outside.
I would be ashamed to admit this anywhere else, but i've had major issues with motivation for the summer - no, not just summer, the entire past school year. It's like I know what I want but I'm too lazy to work for it. And also getting distracted and stuff, which doesn't help. I think I should probably take it easy on the phone. My wrists feel like they're on the verge of a RSI.
Talking less to some people, but I haven't really drifted from anyone that matters. Oh yeah!!! My grandfather is probably coming over to visit for a few weeks I think (!?). On the good side, I started using the library and submitted a few requests for music and art books that I don't see in the catalog. Hopefully they come around soon, my dad said his took a year (bruh) to enter the system
School is starting soon :!?!?!?!?!? I hope it goes okay. I also hope they let me switch into some classes that I actually like instead of this dumbass engineering elective. Like CS :0.